Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?

November 20, 2011

Relationships, Uncategorized

I think it is impossible for men and women to just be friends.  Sure, you may be cordial and nice to each other, but if you are making a special point to contact them, there is a good chance you like them romantically.  This does not mean that you are enemies; it just means you are not happy with where you are in the relationship status. You are in the “friend zone.”

 Sure, you call your wife’s friends, your friends, but you don’t hang out with them alone.  They are “‘friends”’ by association.  As a Christian, I view it inappropriate to hang out with someone of the opposite sex if one of us is married. 

If you are a guy and you contact your female “’friend”’ for something other than business or as a source of information, etc, you probably like her.  How many other women “friends” do you have who also have that information, and yet you didn’t call them?  Think of the people, of the opposite sex, who contact you consistently.  Are they really concerned about you, love to hear about your day, or do they have ulterior motives?

So if that guy or gal is making an effort to contact you, they may just like you.

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17 Comments on “Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?”

  1. Debbie Says:

    Looking back over 47 years, I have many memories of males that I knew and cared for and they were indeed just friends. Out of respect and due to simple circumstances, our availability and level of contact may have changed after they walked the aisle to the marriage altar.

    When I travel, I often travel friends, male and female, whom happen to live in the area I am in. Lines are never crossed, there is no testing and there is no awkwardness. Friends.

    There are those, of course, who do have an ulterior motive. The conversations, the eye contact…all interaction takes on a difference nuance.

    Reply

    • Mitchell Says:

      Hi Debbie, but do you contact your girlfriends more than your male ones? My point is that you can be “friends” but if one is making an effort to be around the other it is because he/she wants more.

      Reply

      • Debbie Says:

        Actually my guy friends have more available free time; my gal friends are married.

        Your point is well taken. I have not yet been convinced that it is true for me.

        I will pray for the truth of my circumstances. Who knows what I’ve been missing all along?

  2. Mitchell Says:

    Yeah, I am not saying these people do not get along, just that they do not contact each other on a regular basis.

    If I saw an old classmate or someone from the past who I USED to be friends with, I would refer to them as a friend, but it would not be a genuine lable. We are not really friends, we just used to be-or not be.

    I just think that a lot of these “friendships” are because of some romantic interest.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Reply

  3. PCC Advantage Says:

    Hmm…interesting topic.

    I think that males and females can definitely be friends and nothing more, but perhaps that’s just a female perspective. I have several male friends who would disagree, but many female friends who agree…not sure who is right!

    I DEFINITELY agree with you that, if you’re married, males and females cannot be friends in the sense that they hang out with people of the opposite sex alone…that can be (at times) dangerous territory, but it also elicits nervousness and curiosity from their spouse as to why those “alone times” are necessary. Does that make sense?

    Great post, Mitchell! Good to see you back in the blogosphere! 😉

    Reply

    • Mitchell Says:

      Hi Christy, do you contact those male friends just to catch up and chat? How often? Or do they usually contact you?

      What I mean by this post is that males and females can’t be just friends that contact each other regularly. I believe that one of them likes the other.

      Yeah, been a while. Thanks for coming in!

      Reply

  4. Harleyq2 Says:

    I am a little late to the discussion; however, people of the opposite sex can be friends. I am not attracted to every male I meet and not every male is attracted to me. There are different levels of friendship-some who knows your whole life story and others you catch up with on occasion. The idea of friendship is having people around you that you can trust. I have a male friend whom I know for a long time and we chat often with no intentions of anything. I believe that mixed gender relationships are just inherently different from same gendered friendship. There does not always have to be a sexual implication

    Reply

  5. Mitchell Says:

    Hi there, better late than never. haha.

    I guess my definition of friend in this discussion is someone you keep in contact with. Someone you would prefer to talk to on a weekly basis. Someone you make a point to call etc.

    I think that if someone is contacting someone of the opposite sex it is for a reason. Even if the reason isn’t in plain sight.

    Right, you are not attracted to every male you meet, but the ones you ARE attracted to, do you want to “meet” them again?

    What I am saying is, the ones we see as possible lovers are the ones we want to keep up with. You typically don’t hope to meet a new friend, unless you are new to an area, etc. Typically, you hope to meet your soul mate, etc.

    As for you and your friend that you keep in contact with. Who contacts who the most? If he calls you then maybe you should bring it up sometime and see if he is interested. If you call him more, maybe you like him and do not even know it? haha

    Thank you for coming in. I look forward to you reply.

    Mitchell

    Reply

    • Harleyq2 Says:

      Interesting, I thought about what you said in regards to who contact whom more. For our friendship, it is very sporadic actually. Sometimes we catch up 1x monthy and other times 1x weekly. When were in the same city, we did not even see each other except for 2 or so times a year but we spoke more often. It’s funny you should say to ask him about his reasoning for talking to me. I guess from my point of view, I am a good listener, he has quite a few things going on and he feels very comfortable talking to me and vice versa even though I don’t tell him every thing (I also have a very close female friend with whom I chat about everything). Interestingly, that female friend don’t believe in male-female friendships either :-).
      In terms of men that I am attracted to, yes I would want more contact but I am also honest with myself that in such a situation it’s not a friendship relationship I would be seeking and I would not pretend in that way in order to gain something else. Frankly, I think it’s quite fun to have opposite sex friend, it highlights the difference in gender perspective which is very interesting.

      Reply

      • Mitchell Says:

        If your male friend asked you on a date would you say yes? When I say “friend” I mean someone you see and hang with. Not just talk to a few times a year etc.

        I just don’t think men and women can be friends (people who make a point to contact each other and hang out, etc). I don’t think we are built that way. Exclude homosexuals and people with huge age differences.

  6. liveandlaughwithjesus Says:

    I agree with you
    Maybe not to the extreme view that giys and girls can’t hng out
    But especially if your married its hard to hang out alone with anotehr male friend and not have any emotions tied to them. I think its easier for girls to see guys as JUST friends, but I think its increciably harder for men to see girls as just friends, if they are hanging out alone and sharing intimate feelings together
    Check out my blog and tell me what you think!
    http://liveandlaughwithjesus.wordpress.com/

    Reply

    • Mitchell Says:

      Hi, i think I should have used different words for this post. My main point was that a guy chooses one girl over another to hang out with is because there is an attraction/interest.

      I agree that it is much easier for women to view men that way. I think there can be an ulterior motive to the women too though. Sometimes they date men who are not satisfying them emotionally so they have a male “friend” who they can talk to.

      I don’t mean that men and women can’t be friends, in the conventional sense. I think that they cannot hang out often and talk often and if they DO, it is because one likes the other.

      Thanks for coming in. I viewed your blog and like what I see so far. Blessings

      Reply

  7. mrsbrendamorgan Says:

    I have to say as a Catholic, I completely disagree with you. I have a long time male friend, who is a born again Christian pastor who I’ve been friends with for a very long time. There has never been anything romantic between us. My husband of almost 23 years has always been aware of our friendship and my husband is now friends with him also. My pastor friend was single when we met, but he too is now married. I am also friends with his wife. Even though we’re all friends, most of the communication is between me and my male pastor friend. Everything is out in the open, our spouses are welcome to know all our communications because there is nothing to hide. We’ve been close friends for over a decade and there has never been anything but a close platonic friendship between us.

    Reply

    • Mitchell Says:

      Hello Brenda, check out the comments as I did explain more of what I meant.

      I think that if someone is contacting someone of opposite sex on a regular basis, say once a week, then there is an interest.

      However, because a spouse is okay with a relationship, that does not necessarily mean the Lord is. These types of relationships can be tricky.

      I had a pastor who would not counsel women one on one. He wanted his wife with. That way there can be NO appearance, or cause for sin.

      From my Christian perspective, I think it looks bad for two people of opposite sex to be chumming around when one/or both is married. Just my opinion but I am not alone in this.

      Thanks for coming in Brenda. 🙂

      Mitchell

      Reply

      • mrsbrendamorgan Says:

        You’re welcome. And just as you’re not alone in your opinion, I’m not alone in mine. And just because one is not alone in their position or opinion, doesn’t mean they’re right. Many voted for Obama and look where that got us.

        I also don’t believe the Lord has a problem with my friendship with my male pastor friend since there is no ill intention on either of our parts. We don’t go places alone together, we simply talk to each other more then our spouses do. Most of the time when we talk, my husband is right there hearing my end of the conversation. There are no secrets, nothing hidden. Certainly no impure thoughts. A lot of our communications are also on our Facebook walls for all to see. He also doesn’t pastor to me. He is a born again Christian pastor and as I stated in my reply, I am Catholic.

        So I guess on this we’ll have to agree to disagree. Thanks for replying Mitchell. I love talking to people and exchanging thoughts and opinions. Although we disagree on this particular issue, I respect your opinion and enjoy reading your blogs.

        Brenda

  8. Mitchell Says:

    Good morning, yeah this is a tricky subject for a lot of people. Especially when the Lord is involved.

    Thanks for your thoughts.

    Mitchell

    Reply

  9. New View From Here Says:

    Funny enough, I just watched a great video about this last night:

    Reply

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